I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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