Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
