I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
