Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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