Who did Billy Mays play for?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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