drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
