she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
