I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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