Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's shark week go big or go home
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
