8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
