I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
