he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
