I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
