Don't you send me to vm
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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