I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
someone threw a dead crab at me
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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