as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
