but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
