I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
