well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
