God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize