Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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