Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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