so explain again why im purple
no
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
