Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
