Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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