I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
