I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm both gender and math confused
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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