You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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