im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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