Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
