he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
