There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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