I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
