Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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