im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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