Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
