it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
