Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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