im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize