Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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