So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
