this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
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sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
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Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy