just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
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he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
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The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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