In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him