You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My liver just broke up with me...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.