Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
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I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
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Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night