was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
