yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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