She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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