i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
