So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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