I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
