if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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