He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
