me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
