DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
