I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
