How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
