Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
