Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Pooping to opera.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
