Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
