make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
