You smell like a Billy Joel song
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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