I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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