I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
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