i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
