he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
