i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
