i don't like sucking hair
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
