see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
