I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This is my gift to your gina
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
