so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
