her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
