dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize