Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Bring me that man meat
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
