I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
