Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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