The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it's like iHOP with fire
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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